Its nearly the end of my vacation time. I am back from being in the mountains north of Salt Lake City, and am now working towards just spending some time in my own headspace. Monday, I will be back at work – knowing that there will be some “unfathomable” disaster waiting. And knowing that the disaster is only a disaster because I wasn’t there to keep things in check. That’s an area of balance I will need to recreate for myself. In the meantime, I spend some time thinking about how nice it was to get back into the mountains.
Over the last eight months, I now realize that I have done a poor job of trying to find my balance. My job is not intolerable. My two bosses can sometimes be overly demanding and not too clear on comprehension skills, but there are far worse places to work. When I leave work and trek the eleven miles home, I carry too much of work home with me. I wind up spending much of my day trying to work out solutions for the tasks that I still have before me, rather then spending my time doing tasks, and magickal workings that are far more important to me. Much like a nice engine that has been run too long, and too hard, I need to spend some time fine-tuning how I approach my daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly goals. Yes, goals. And workings. I need to fine-tune my life to be a better Druid, be a better person, be a better me.
Part of what I have not followed through completely on, is being the Druid I should be. I should be exploring new connections to the world around me, while strengthening the connections I already have. I have fallen out of my morning/evening rituals with the cycle of the Sun. Its long past time for me to renew that aspect of me. I have spent far too much time trying to follow through on work-related issues that mean nothing to the people I am doing these for – and not enough time following through on what Fliodhas, Crow, and Coyote ask of me. My relationships with these Gods and this Goddess are not those of requirement, but more along the lines of request My dedication needs to be far better than it has been.
I also need to step back into taking far better care of myself. How can I handle the things that are asked of me, when I cannot handle the things that are necessary for me to function? And instead of falling back to my old standard of making lists, and trying to schedule time – perhaps its time to fine-tune that process as well. Perhaps, fine-tune may be the wrong term – more like completely over-haul. No more schedules. No more lists. Just doing. And completing. And moving to the next things that shows. Lists and schedules can be laid at the feet of something more mundane, like work. Doing what is needed right now….this is where being a Druid should be, for me.
I have said it to so many people:
Work is something you do to pay the bills. Doing what you were meant to do is what the Gods set before you.
It sure would be appropriate for me to follow my own advice, wouldn’t it? Ravens have been a huge part of my dreams, and even my waking time these days. I have no idea why…except that one of them was looking underneath my rental car. Perhaps, these Ravens are here to look underneath me..