I am sitting here listening to music as I type on my keyboard. And erase what I was about to say, and start over again. And again. And again. Its been a lot like that recently. I have a lot of thoughts in my head, but that isn’t getting translated down to my fingers. Its a rather odd moment; I am currently enrolled in a Creative Writing class, and find myself struggling there as well. Part of it, I know is that I typically shut down around this time of year. I am reminded of the lyrics of a song currently playing in my headphones: “Can’t Find My Way Home” by Blind Faith.
Well, I’m near the end and I just ain’t got the time
And I’m wasted and I can’t find my way home
I’m not literally wasted – its been a good four years or more since I have had even a beer. When you are a diabetic, you are careful about what you ingest. No, I’m wasted in the sense that I have been brain-dead….literally stuck at a point where my brain is completely full, and I WANT to write things down…I WANT to record a podcast and just talk and talk…and I just am stuck. I can’t make my fingers write the stuff in my head. And when I sit in front of a microphone…I dance all around the topic.
I hate to blame everything on Samhain…but this is seriously the time of the year that I go offline for a few weeks. Its why I don’t typically attend Samhain rites…I literally check out and go diving deep into who I am. This is the time of year that I spend internally, turning over the rocks in my landscape to see what’s been living underneath them.
I know there’s a lot of people who may consider this way of working with my daily life and the wheel of the year as a “strange” thing…but that’s ok…I’ve been weird for a large part of my life. I’m ok with it, even if you aren’t.