Its been a slow weekend. Slower than the previous three. There’s been enough time for me to realize a lot of things about the past month-plus. I have gotten away from things that are the foundations of who I am, what I am… My new job has changed me from being someone who spends time helping others discover things about the world around them – helps others see that they have creative minds, and the ability to think critically about any subject that they desire…now I am something more like an archaeologist of data. I spend hours (literally) trying to coax meaning out of numbers, trying to find occult patterns within mounds of numbers, and then present them to others to assist them in making decisions. Previously, I had enough free time to spend outside anytime I wanted to. Now, I work in an office with no windows – no ability to freely look outside and see the changing pattern of the day. And I have felt cut off from my source because of the change.
Sure, I could take the opportunity to go to my boss and quit. Spend time looking for another teaching position that would offer me the chance to be outdoors more often. Or I could force this job to change to fit what I want/need from it. I have a lunch break – and there is a pond nearby with a gazebo (just off the parking lot) where I could take my meal. Spend my time outside rather than inside. When I get stuck on a problem, I could step outside and take a walk outside on the campus grounds. Instead of getting stuck at my keyboard for eight-plus hours a day…I need to do these things to get my center back.
Yes, I truly believe in the concept of grounding and centering. As a Libra, the entire concept has great appeal for me. But I have also seen what happens to me when I do not follow the basic precepts of this. Its been happening to me for the last two months. I become more of a recluse than I normally am. Life begins to lose the little aspects of joy for me. This weekend, I have had the chance to be outside in the backyard, visiting my little rock circle. I spent a short amount of time sitting on the ground next to it – just feeling the deep strength of the towering backyard tree, as well as the growing strength of my two smaller trees. I watched the crows and grackles up in the branches above me – all watching me, as they usually do. I could feel their happiness when I retreated into the house and then returned with three huge plastic cups full of bird seed.
For the past few months, I have been trying to fit myself into my job – be cast in some mold that I imagined was there. No more. I am who I am, this job will fit around me. I have certainly changed enough on my side of the equation. But now, its time the job changed a bit to fit me. And yes folks, this is what happens when you have been outside of the traditional work-force for more than five years. At least, that’s my current experience. I am the rock, the river will bend around me….