Its always interesting to take a few moments and see what the inventory of “me” holds. Sometimes, I find myself completely fascinated by some of the concepts that cling to me – mostly gleaned through my reading – and other times, I have known about some associated concept for some time, but have just never had a name or descriptive to give to it. In the database world, those descriptives are called MetaData or information that describes information. And when I take inventory of the “me” – all that MetaData gets poured out on the ground, and it becomes a lot like building a jigsaw puzzle – and not knowing if you have all the pieces before you start.
There is a lot of stuff that makes up all of that MetaData. I am a student, a teacher, a podcaster, ex-military, a Pagan, on a Path of Druidry, Polytheist, Animist, an amateur Poet, a Journal writer, a Computer Systems Administrator, a Computer Technician, a Database Systems Administrator, an observer of the world around me, and a bazillion other descriptives. Each one provides only a small snapshot of exactly who I am. Each is only a single part of the puzzle. And the fun part is that some of these are seemingly in conflict to one another – and yet, the addition of each makes perfect sense to the order of who I am.
I have talked about my desire to not be labeled by anyone – most of all myself. No one definition or descriptive completely describes who I am. I am a human being, capable of rational and irrational thought – and capable of violating any common perception or rule, if I so choose to do so. I can make decisions that fly in the face of reason and logic – and I can accept the Path of less resistance. I am able to make and choose my own Path as I need and/or want to.
And yet…. all that damn MetaData is still there. And with each descriptive, a set of related expectations is dragged along with it. Each assumption from those expectations is pasted upon to one’s understanding of who I am. And with each individual pasting those assumptions, comes a potential for a different understanding of the assumptions associated with those expectations. In other words, how each individual interprets the MetaData will possibly change the assumptions – possibly in a small manner or a great one – depending on each individual. Thus, an understanding of who I am – in relation to other people’s assumptions can range widely from one extreme point to another – and all points in the area between. And that’s a lot of assumptions to live up to – or to fail to live up to.
…and in the end, only one expectation and assumption associated with the MetaData really matters…my own. Trying to live up to the expectations and perceptions of others – that becomes a life lived for others. And I cannot do that. To live up to the expectations of the Gods and the way that I relate to them…I have to be who I am. I have to live up to my own expectations. I have to be who I am…live up to my MetaData…and the way that I interpret that. I may wind up being wrong about those interpretations from time to time – but that’s part of living life…experiences…