I just finished my next to last assignment in my MBA program. Its an assignment I didn’t put a lot of effort into. I waited until the day it was due to get started. But I still managed to get the assignment completed in a little under three hours. Essentially, I just wrote what came into my mind. Almost as if I poured my brain out through my fingers (sort of what I am doing for this blog post). When I finished the assignment, I came to a realization.
Just off to the side of my desktop environment was a journal entry I had been struggling to write all day. The MacJournal icon was showing the entry as being open – and when I clicked on it, there were three lines of text. I started that entry shortly after a morning meditation at 0630. Here it was, nearly 2300 (11pm for you non-military types) – nearly sixteen hours later – and all I had managed to that point was three lines of text. My realization popped me in the face – why can’t you write as effortlessly for your journal entries as you do for your assignments? Where the fsck is that brain-lock coming from?
Its probably better if I jog you back a few months before continuing on.
About five months ago – I undertook an effort to write a journal entry everyday. Something about how the day went – a diary of sorts, but more on my experiences of the day from a spiritual perspective. I wanted to get into the habit of writing about the stuff that’s beneath the surface. At the start, the journal entries were somewhat massive – and I knew I was essentially undertaking a brain-drain instead of writing entries of the material I was seeking. When I started filtering in that manner, my journal entries started to get shorter and have a little less meaning. After a while, even that small amount of meaning dwindled away and I found it more difficult to write the entries. And shortly after that, the crows began to enter into my meditations.
Crows are an odd symbol for me – they are messengers. When crows show up, I start looking for something that is trying to be communicated to me. In meditations, they take on a role similar to that of Email. I wasn’t sure what was trying to be said though. They brought objects to me. String, buttons, a shiny thimble, yarn, twigs, and marbles. I couldn’t puzzle it all together. None of the items made sense to me. The only responses I ever got to queries were cocked heads and the occasional “caw”. Couldn’t these fsckers speak in English?? Or could I be given the momentary understanding of Crow?? Stabs in the dark at meaning didn’t make sense. I already had enough clutter in my life…
When I asked the question to myself about why I couldn’t write the entries in my journal with the effortless work I put into my assignments – my morning meditation (this morning – this blog entry is serving as a part of a journal entry) started with the Crows bringing more material to me. And I realized what they were telling me. I needed to include everything in my entries. No matter how mundane I felt it was, it needed to be included. My mundane life and my magickal life are one and the same. Much like the object is a 3-d representation – my life is the same. Removing one part of it from what I was writing was only telling a singular perspective of my experience. I needed to remove the filter. And when I did, I spent over forty minutes writing. And writing. And writing. And when I was done, I sat back and looked at what was said – and there was a mix of everyday life with the spiritual.
It might sound corny, but I still see those Crows as a conduit of messages from the G-ds…and Email system of sorts. I just wonder if the G-ds will get pissed if I name the Crows “TCP” and “IP”…