So, I’m spending my morning sitting here – listening to some Louisiana’s LeRoux (great band by the way) – sipping some coffee with Hazelnut creamer. Outside my window, the Easy-bake oven known as “Texas” is cranking up for another day of triple-digit heat. I’m working on podcast files — now remembering how much time it took to actually put together a segmented show instead of a singl;e-shot recording. But that’s all right — while the show may be a little late, I’m finding more and more information to add to the NEXT show as well.
Each day provides a new step on this adventure that I call my Life. Sometimes, the steps are the same as the days immediately preceding it — sometimes those steps are different. But its the experience of taking the steps that counts most for me. Experiencing all that is inside this day is what I am constantly seeking. It continually shapes who I am – continually informs me of what is taking place for me – that daily experience is the definition of who I am.
Previously in my life, I didn’t look closely at the experiences. I worried about reaching goals defined by the society around me. I had to work to climb the corporate ladder. I was fortunate enough to have done so. When I reached a pinnacle point, I looked around and did not like the view from that “lofty” perspective. So I changed my Life’s direction. And I sat on the unemployment line for two years because of that change. While that two years really worked over my bank balance and made for some lean times for eating – it also allowed me the time to pick up my own Life and examine it from every angle. To see what parts I wasn’t pleased with (and there will always be parts I’m not totally pleased with – another revelation that surprised me), see which ones I could change, and reposition myself to reach those changes. I realized a lot of things about myself – I don’t want to be rich or in a high-level corporate position. I need only enough for me to live comfortably and still have a few “wants” that will always remain out of reach. I’m a good teacher, I enjoy inspiring people in the classroom to not only learn the subject matter, but to also continue moving towards their own personal goals in life – even when those goals are nothing that I would personally care for. After all, those goals are THEIRS, not mine. Assisting them towards those goals is a very satisfying direction for me.
A few weeks back, I had a vivid dream when I was sleeping. I was walking through the prairie fields, where the grasses came up to just the lower portion of my shoulder. Yes, I was in an animal dream, where I was in the form of a coyote. I could feel the wind blowing lightly through the grass, making it undulate back and forth like the rolling of the sea. I could feel the presence of a rabbit ahead – the one I was chasing. Each step I took towards the rabbit – it took another step further away from me. When I dashed out to shorten the distance between us, the rabbit sped up as well, keeping the same distance between us. After a while, I realized that the rabbit was only keeping a certain distance between the two of us. When I stopped, the rabbit stopped. When I started walking towards it, it kept the same distance. When I walked away from the rabbit, it followed.
This is a dream that I wrote down. I don’t always have vivid dreams that I remember, much less those where I have an animal form throughout. I have sat for long periods of time and tried to understand what the dream was trying to tell me. Was the rabbit an unattainable goal that I was seeking? Or was it a sign that I was meant to follow to some conclusion? I’ve never come to a certain conclusion on my own. However, I’ve started to realize that the “chase” aspect can be applied a bit to my own life. I don’t have a need to chase the so-called “American dream”. I’d rather chase my own dreams – experience the world around me as I desire to do so. All of that doesn’t have to line up with what anyone else wants out of Life – they have their own Paths to walk, their own dreams to chase. I’ll continue to follow this rabbit — I’m not totally sure if I’ll end up in a similar location to Alice or if I’ll eventually find myself in a gathering with others. Regardless of where things wind up going — its that experience that will have meaning for me in the end – and its that experience that I will treasure.